Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I'm trying to like living here. I'm trying really hard. I love our house. I love our backyard, and I love that I have a winter garden. Which is producing copious amounts of yummy veggies. I have quite possibly the most friendly neighbor in the universe. She's been so welcoming and nice ever since the day we moved in. I have the coolest double stroller ever, which I frequently take for a walk around our nicely groomed neighborhood. With two of my four awesome kids in it. I got a wii for my birthday. (Okay, that one was really random) But really, I'm so blessed. I should be happy. So what's my deal? I don't feel like I belong here. I don't have any real friends. You know, the ones you'd sit and watch a movie with all hours of the night. The ones you sit and eat chocolate with, and talk until the wee hours of the morning. The ones who listen to you, and the ones who will talk to you about anything. Friends who share your laughter and tears. I don't have them here. And I miss them so dearly. I know I need to just give it all some time. I know it takes a while to really feel like you belong somewhere. But I hate going to playgroups and church activities and whatnot, and feeling like I'm just the new person. Everyone else already knows each other, and you're just there, kind of like a third wheel. I try to participate in conversations. But you know that feeling when you say something, and you realize nobody's listening to you? Yeah, I've been having that a lot during the last few months. Things just haven't "clicked". So, I feel isolated. And I just don't feel at home. If that makes any sense. Now excuse me while I go and cry myself a river.