Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Decisions, decisions...

Ugh, I hate that feeling of not knowing where to go next, or what to do. So, I've been really wanting to get certified to be a doula and childbirth educator. Now, there is an opportunity for me to do both. There is an association (Association for Wise Childbearing) here in the valley, and a lot of their requirements for certification are the same as for doula certification. They are also very affordable. I have already read a lot of the books that are required reading, and writing the required papers shouldn't be difficult at all. I think that if I started within the next couple of months, I could have all the requirements completed, and be certified as both a childbirth educator and a doula by the end of next year. Thinking about this gets me really exited. The only "problem" is that I don't know if it's the right time to do this. If I decide to go through with the certification, I'd like to teach at least two classes a year, and be a doula for at least six moms a year. It's not a lot, and would be quite doable, but it's a comittment nonetheless. We are also looking at moving in May 2008, which is when Dave graduates. There is a small chance we may stay here, but there's a bigger chance we'll move out of state. I don't want to start something here and then have to move and establish myself all over within just a few months. Lastly, there's the question of another baby. I have such mixed feeling about this. With my other kids, I knew I wasn't done, I knew there'd be one more. Now I'm not so sure. I don't know that I feel "done", but at the same time the thought of another baby is less than exciting to me. The pregnancy and birth part of it I could do, no problem. But the sleepless nights, endless poopy diapers, and overall "needyness" of a newborn just sounds so daunting to me. I want to be done, but I don't feel certain that I am. Don't know if that makes sense. And then I get thinking if I'm not done, I don't know that I want the next kid spaced out several years. I'm thinking that if I'm having one more, may as well get it over with while I'm still doing diapers and nursing and such. :p I don't know how I'd feel about having Kaylee be 5 and starting all over. Of course, if we do have another baby, I won't have the time or energy to teach classes and be a doula. I'll have another little nursling, whom I won't be able to leave for more than an hour at a time. So all of a sudden we're talking a few more years before teaching and being a doula becomes more doable again. Part of me is so ready to move on and start getting into that part of life. I know that's what I need to do once the kids get older. I am so passionate about childbirth, I'd never forgive myself if I didn't become more actively involved in making birth a positive experience for women. At the same time, family is my priority. So, I just don't know. The opportunity to become certified is still going to be there in a few years from now, I know that. It just seems hard to wait, especially when this is such a great option right now. Ugh, why can't someone just tell me what to do???? :p

4 comments:

Dawn said...

All I can say is... In my experience, things have a way of working out, and some decisions don't have to be made immediately. You'll know in time what you want. :)r

Doreen said...

If only it wasn't so hard to wait, lol. :p Thanks Dawn!

Chalice said...

I know your dillema, though i just had #3, i already feel the "are we dome"? I'd say, start on the doula certification and let it work itself out! IMHO Good luck, i would have loved u to be at my birth1 ;)

Doreen said...

Aw, thanks Chalice! I would have loved to be there, I'm sure you could have used all the support you could get. :o) Kaylee woke up at 5:30 this morning, and climbed in bed with me for some nursies. I couldn't really go back to sleep, so all of these things just kept going through my mind. I pretty much came to the same conclusion you did. Start with the certification, and just let it work itself out. Thanks! :o)